I'm not here to bash anyone, but why does it seem that the bum fathers always get off easy; yet, the good fathers have the toughest time? I've never understood that.
I never got "official" child support for my son; although his Dad helped out "when he could". However, I didn't bash him or allow anyone else to bash him around my son. For that, I have his Father's complete respect and appreciation. I didn't want to go the bashing route because I know that no matter how much people say "a woman can raise a boy and teach him how to be a man"... It's not that I agree or disagree; it's just that I knew there were things that my son needed that he could only get from his Father. He's my son's father (with or without the financial support).
So, it enrages me when I read stories (or know personally) about a man who's on the "child support hook" for a child later to be determined is not his! WTF?! There's a man whom I just read about today that is on the hook for $50,000 in back pay, even after DNA proved he did not father the child. It amazes me that there've been circumstances (at least where I'm from) where a man who NEVER pays court ordered child support NEVER faces any repercussions!
Then, you have Dads who actually pays their support (court ordered or not) and desperately tries to be a part of the child's life has to deal with simple ass broads (I say broads when I don't want to say "bitch") who makes their life a living hell and uses the child as a bargaining tool or a "money pot". They dangle visitation, they bash the father to and in front of the child, they use CHILD SUPPORT as their support!
I've known a few guys who wanted to spend time with their child and NEEDED to spend time with their child, but the moms wouldn't let them unless everything is on "her terms". Most of the time, these situations are just because he didn't want the your "stank ass" anymore! How cruel and selfish of the moms! It's NOT ABOUT YOU, LADIES! And, what a loss for the child.
Those simple broads don't realize that their giving the dad an "alibi". When the child grows up and is mad with the dad for not being there and wonders why, the dad can actually say "Your mom wouldn't let me." Now, by no means am I saying that this is an excuse; it's just that when/if my son wanted to someday know why his dad was or wasn't there, his father could NEVER be able to say, "Because your mom wouldn't let me." Therefore, the wrap was all on him.
Moms, you gave that child life....but you damn sure didn't do it by yourself. Let these fathers be fathers to their children! It's not just a title; it's a right these men have and a loving parent these kids deserve.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
I'm a Black woman and guess what, kids? I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR A$$ EITHER!
In light of the latest "sagging" incident where the young man was put off a flight because he refused to pull his pants up, I wanted to give my view on this. So, maybe I should have entitled this one, "Some Black folks are going to get mad about what I'm going to say!"
Saggin' is a trend that I HATE! All you parents who don't mind or defend your kids (because I've actually seen a few girls doing it too) wearing droopy pants, all I can say is, "Child, please!"
The fact of the matter is that saggin' began in prison and it was not a "hip" or fashionable thing to do; it was for men to let it be known that they were "available". A lot of kids (and their parents) know this and yet, don't seem to mind walking around this way.
I recall a few months ago (in some city I can't remember) a chapter of the NAACP wanted to protest and scream "racial profiling" becase government in that city wanted to (or already did) pass a law against "saggin". The NAACP felt the law was unfairly targeting Blacks. Well, a got news for you; I've seen White kids, Black kids; Asian kids; Latin kids...I could go on. But, I've seen kids of ALL races saggin. It's not a Black thing; it's not a White thing....it's a respect and decency thing!
So, since you parents cannot teach or enforce that this attire is unacceptable and, quite frankly, is very rude, don't get mad at government because they have to do what you won't.
Saggin' is a trend that I HATE! All you parents who don't mind or defend your kids (because I've actually seen a few girls doing it too) wearing droopy pants, all I can say is, "Child, please!"
The fact of the matter is that saggin' began in prison and it was not a "hip" or fashionable thing to do; it was for men to let it be known that they were "available". A lot of kids (and their parents) know this and yet, don't seem to mind walking around this way.
I recall a few months ago (in some city I can't remember) a chapter of the NAACP wanted to protest and scream "racial profiling" becase government in that city wanted to (or already did) pass a law against "saggin". The NAACP felt the law was unfairly targeting Blacks. Well, a got news for you; I've seen White kids, Black kids; Asian kids; Latin kids...I could go on. But, I've seen kids of ALL races saggin. It's not a Black thing; it's not a White thing....it's a respect and decency thing!
So, since you parents cannot teach or enforce that this attire is unacceptable and, quite frankly, is very rude, don't get mad at government because they have to do what you won't.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Sometimes I feel like a father-less child....
I've never truly had a father in my life. He created a life and didn't respect it or love it enough to be there. Sure, this is the same story as many others, but this is MY blog and it's about me right now. I used to think the sun came up in the morning just because that man was my dad; how naive and foolish of me. I'm one among thousands of girls (and boys) that didn't have their dad in their life. The end result: searching for and longing for his love in all the wrong places and all the wrong people.
I don't have fond memories of the man who gave me life. Shit....the end of statement alone is a joke. Even animals are caretakers to those they give life.
I can't say my dad taught me to love and respect myself and, in turn, to never allow anyone to not love and to not respect me. I can't say my dad ever helped me with my homework. I can't say I remember him ever reading me stories. I can't say he ever rescued me after I'd have a bad dream.... Shit, the fact of the matter is, he IS the bad dream!
My dad was a military man; has been all of my life. I could say that in my life, he was "missing in action". He started a routine for all men in my life to follow. He'd pop up on a visit home and see me (or not). I had a huge wall up; not wanting to love this man who didn't seem to give a damn that I was his child. After a couple of days, he'd break through that wall and I loved him all over again. You see, no matter how much he'd hurt me, I still craved and longed for his love.
Before the end of his visit, I loved him yet again. I had hopes and he had promises. He promised that he was sorry for not being there for me. He also promised that he'd never leave me again; that he'd always be there from that point on and we were going to start this wonderful relationship that I could depend on.
So, he'd go back to his military life and I'd hear from him once or twice and then, true to form, he'd once again be gone from my life. We'd have no more contact until a few years had gone by and he'd be back to tear down my wall again. This cycle repeated itself over and over through the years. Each time I'd say, "He's can't hurt me anymore..." But he could, and he did.
Each time he'd do that, I'd be heartbroken and feel worthless. Hell, if your own father doesn't think you're worthy of love, who would?
That's why I say he "started a routine for all the men in my life". As I got older, I wanted to be loved SO BADLY that I'd either have a wall up with a guy or just give my all in hopes that he'd love me. Either way, somewhere in the process, I'd get mistreated physically, mentally and/or emotionally. And, let me tell you, I'd rather have a broken arm than a broken spirit.
So, the guy would treat me bad, I'd let him go, he'd come back to face my wall and he'd say everything I "needed/wanted" to hear and break down that wall again....just like my dad. In the end, I'd give in just to be treated the same way again.
Everyone says, "You've got to love yourself first".... I tried that and had no idea how to actually do that. How would I know when I grew up feeling so unloved and so unworthy by those who were supposed to love me the most and plant the seeds and nurture my self-worth? Many of you may not realize that learning to love yourself as an adult (when that wasn't instilled in you growing up) is a wall that's bigger than any wall I've ever put up. I've had YEARS of feeling one way and now, all of sudden, you expect me to "know how" to love myself?
There's a subject, through all of this that I'm not going to touch...right now, because I don't want to hurt someone close to me. However, even through all the pain she caused me, I don't wish her any harm. I'll just say she did the best with what she knew how and leave it at that.
Anyway, there were two people in my life who, if I had not had them, I NEVER would've felt loved at all. My Grandmother and my Uncle Mike were the ones who tried their best to fill the gap that my father left. Many times, their love literally saved my life.
I'll tell you a few things that my dad did teach me: he taught me not to trust; he taught me not to believe I'm beautiful and that I'm worthy of love; he taught me not to depend on someone's word...but, the most important thing he taught me was how to be a good parent. Sounds funny? Well, from all the pain, I knew for a fact that I wanted to be everything as a parent that he wasn't! And, I'd say I've done a pretty good job! I raised my son (pretty much alone) and he's a college graduate who works in government and has always known that he could do anything and be anything because his Mama told him so! Many times, I believe the Lord sent him to me to save my life as well.
I'm sure we'll revisit this whole "daddy" thing again, because I'm still not healed, but if I don't stop right now, I won't be able to stop myself from crying.
They say you can't miss what you never had...Bullshit! I missed GREATLY what I never had in a father.
So, those of you who did have a good father, God bless you, because you really have no idea how blessed you are!
I don't have fond memories of the man who gave me life. Shit....the end of statement alone is a joke. Even animals are caretakers to those they give life.
I can't say my dad taught me to love and respect myself and, in turn, to never allow anyone to not love and to not respect me. I can't say my dad ever helped me with my homework. I can't say I remember him ever reading me stories. I can't say he ever rescued me after I'd have a bad dream.... Shit, the fact of the matter is, he IS the bad dream!
My dad was a military man; has been all of my life. I could say that in my life, he was "missing in action". He started a routine for all men in my life to follow. He'd pop up on a visit home and see me (or not). I had a huge wall up; not wanting to love this man who didn't seem to give a damn that I was his child. After a couple of days, he'd break through that wall and I loved him all over again. You see, no matter how much he'd hurt me, I still craved and longed for his love.
Before the end of his visit, I loved him yet again. I had hopes and he had promises. He promised that he was sorry for not being there for me. He also promised that he'd never leave me again; that he'd always be there from that point on and we were going to start this wonderful relationship that I could depend on.
So, he'd go back to his military life and I'd hear from him once or twice and then, true to form, he'd once again be gone from my life. We'd have no more contact until a few years had gone by and he'd be back to tear down my wall again. This cycle repeated itself over and over through the years. Each time I'd say, "He's can't hurt me anymore..." But he could, and he did.
Each time he'd do that, I'd be heartbroken and feel worthless. Hell, if your own father doesn't think you're worthy of love, who would?
That's why I say he "started a routine for all the men in my life". As I got older, I wanted to be loved SO BADLY that I'd either have a wall up with a guy or just give my all in hopes that he'd love me. Either way, somewhere in the process, I'd get mistreated physically, mentally and/or emotionally. And, let me tell you, I'd rather have a broken arm than a broken spirit.
So, the guy would treat me bad, I'd let him go, he'd come back to face my wall and he'd say everything I "needed/wanted" to hear and break down that wall again....just like my dad. In the end, I'd give in just to be treated the same way again.
Everyone says, "You've got to love yourself first".... I tried that and had no idea how to actually do that. How would I know when I grew up feeling so unloved and so unworthy by those who were supposed to love me the most and plant the seeds and nurture my self-worth? Many of you may not realize that learning to love yourself as an adult (when that wasn't instilled in you growing up) is a wall that's bigger than any wall I've ever put up. I've had YEARS of feeling one way and now, all of sudden, you expect me to "know how" to love myself?
There's a subject, through all of this that I'm not going to touch...right now, because I don't want to hurt someone close to me. However, even through all the pain she caused me, I don't wish her any harm. I'll just say she did the best with what she knew how and leave it at that.
Anyway, there were two people in my life who, if I had not had them, I NEVER would've felt loved at all. My Grandmother and my Uncle Mike were the ones who tried their best to fill the gap that my father left. Many times, their love literally saved my life.
I'll tell you a few things that my dad did teach me: he taught me not to trust; he taught me not to believe I'm beautiful and that I'm worthy of love; he taught me not to depend on someone's word...but, the most important thing he taught me was how to be a good parent. Sounds funny? Well, from all the pain, I knew for a fact that I wanted to be everything as a parent that he wasn't! And, I'd say I've done a pretty good job! I raised my son (pretty much alone) and he's a college graduate who works in government and has always known that he could do anything and be anything because his Mama told him so! Many times, I believe the Lord sent him to me to save my life as well.
I'm sure we'll revisit this whole "daddy" thing again, because I'm still not healed, but if I don't stop right now, I won't be able to stop myself from crying.
They say you can't miss what you never had...Bullshit! I missed GREATLY what I never had in a father.
So, those of you who did have a good father, God bless you, because you really have no idea how blessed you are!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Whoever Said You Can't Choose Your Family, Don't Know the Family I Chose!
What defines "family"? For me, family has mostly been people with whom I had no blood ties at all. My son just lost his "Uncle" last Saturday & I lost a "Brother". Not only that, we lost a "protector". Gerald "Largo" Coleman was more than just a best friend to my son's Dad. Long after my son's father and I parted, Largo ALWAYS looked out for my son and for me. No matter the situation or the "side of town", I knew if something went down and he had to come to help, the problem was going to be dealt with.
I respected and loved him even more when my son's father "went away". He took on the responsibility of making sure that my son and I could still know that we were safe and that no one was going to fuck with us! That meant EVERYTHING to me, given the life I had and the things I faced raising my son alone.
Many of my memories of Largo are fun and happy memories; but, he could get very serious and very dangerous if you messed with anyone he loved. I was blessed to be one of those people. So, for you to leave us now, Largo, at the age of 41 is a heavy blow to my heart.
You will be missed, your memory cherished, and FOREVER LOVED.
"C's" up! Love you, bruh. Rest in Heaven!
I respected and loved him even more when my son's father "went away". He took on the responsibility of making sure that my son and I could still know that we were safe and that no one was going to fuck with us! That meant EVERYTHING to me, given the life I had and the things I faced raising my son alone.
Many of my memories of Largo are fun and happy memories; but, he could get very serious and very dangerous if you messed with anyone he loved. I was blessed to be one of those people. So, for you to leave us now, Largo, at the age of 41 is a heavy blow to my heart.
You will be missed, your memory cherished, and FOREVER LOVED.
"C's" up! Love you, bruh. Rest in Heaven!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
To blog or not to blog...
My son encouraged me to start my own blog; so, HERE I AM! First off - if you're easily offended, this blog is not for you. I've never bit my tongue but I do try to "filter" my words. However, there's no guarantee that I'll be able to do that since this is MY BLOG & MY PAGE. Consider yourself warned!
I've been thinking about creating my blog because "Mama's Boy" encouraged me to do so. It's taken me a minute because I didn't know if I could put into words the things that I think, feel, or re-act to. The only reason my introduction is so detailed & nothing else is mentioned is because the title to this writing is "To blog or not to blog"! DUH!
I probably won't post every day; unless something "stirs my coffee"; So, this writing is just an introduction to me. I'm not writing to (today, tomorrow, or any day that follows) to impress (or distress) anyone. It's about ME and what I want to say. If you have an issue with something I may say, bring me your issue (or start your own blog and say whatever you want to say)!
As I stated earlier, this is not for the easily offended or anyone who's not open-minded. I'll probably make a few people mad (who cares) but, what would my blog be without dialogue and debate. I said "debate" not negotiations! I consider myself very open-minded, but my opinions are the only ones that matter here.
See you soon!
I've been thinking about creating my blog because "Mama's Boy" encouraged me to do so. It's taken me a minute because I didn't know if I could put into words the things that I think, feel, or re-act to. The only reason my introduction is so detailed & nothing else is mentioned is because the title to this writing is "To blog or not to blog"! DUH!
I probably won't post every day; unless something "stirs my coffee"; So, this writing is just an introduction to me. I'm not writing to (today, tomorrow, or any day that follows) to impress (or distress) anyone. It's about ME and what I want to say. If you have an issue with something I may say, bring me your issue (or start your own blog and say whatever you want to say)!
As I stated earlier, this is not for the easily offended or anyone who's not open-minded. I'll probably make a few people mad (who cares) but, what would my blog be without dialogue and debate. I said "debate" not negotiations! I consider myself very open-minded, but my opinions are the only ones that matter here.
See you soon!
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