I'm not here to bash anyone, but why does it seem that the bum fathers always get off easy; yet, the good fathers have the toughest time? I've never understood that.
I never got "official" child support for my son; although his Dad helped out "when he could". However, I didn't bash him or allow anyone else to bash him around my son. For that, I have his Father's complete respect and appreciation. I didn't want to go the bashing route because I know that no matter how much people say "a woman can raise a boy and teach him how to be a man"... It's not that I agree or disagree; it's just that I knew there were things that my son needed that he could only get from his Father. He's my son's father (with or without the financial support).
So, it enrages me when I read stories (or know personally) about a man who's on the "child support hook" for a child later to be determined is not his! WTF?! There's a man whom I just read about today that is on the hook for $50,000 in back pay, even after DNA proved he did not father the child. It amazes me that there've been circumstances (at least where I'm from) where a man who NEVER pays court ordered child support NEVER faces any repercussions!
Then, you have Dads who actually pays their support (court ordered or not) and desperately tries to be a part of the child's life has to deal with simple ass broads (I say broads when I don't want to say "bitch") who makes their life a living hell and uses the child as a bargaining tool or a "money pot". They dangle visitation, they bash the father to and in front of the child, they use CHILD SUPPORT as their support!
I've known a few guys who wanted to spend time with their child and NEEDED to spend time with their child, but the moms wouldn't let them unless everything is on "her terms". Most of the time, these situations are just because he didn't want the your "stank ass" anymore! How cruel and selfish of the moms! It's NOT ABOUT YOU, LADIES! And, what a loss for the child.
Those simple broads don't realize that their giving the dad an "alibi". When the child grows up and is mad with the dad for not being there and wonders why, the dad can actually say "Your mom wouldn't let me." Now, by no means am I saying that this is an excuse; it's just that when/if my son wanted to someday know why his dad was or wasn't there, his father could NEVER be able to say, "Because your mom wouldn't let me." Therefore, the wrap was all on him.
Moms, you gave that child life....but you damn sure didn't do it by yourself. Let these fathers be fathers to their children! It's not just a title; it's a right these men have and a loving parent these kids deserve.
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As a child who grew up without her father (he is dead), I applaude your approach. Let the father answer for his actions; but, don't play games with your child's life and opportunity to be with his/her father. He will answer for his crimes or his successes when the child is old enough to hold him accountable -- I sure as hell held my family accountable to tell me about my father!
ReplyDeleteI know each and every one of these examples...I myself receive child support only when it is taken out of his pay check by a court order. I just found out he is no longer employeed by the company doing the income deduction. When I ask if he can just mail a check himself, I get the" I am not paying you shit". Me? I guess he thinks our son takes care of and provides for himself.It is sad to know a father can not separate his anger from a divorce from the love of his son.
ReplyDelete@ LJ, even though my father was living, I never really knew him, nor did we have a relationship. I would've liked to (re: Sometimes I feel like a "fatherless child"). God-forbid, but if anything happened to him, I hate to say it, but I'd only cry because my Grandmother would be in so much pain over it!
ReplyDelete@ Misty - I know EXACTLY what you mean about the "never-received" court ordered support. So many times, the guy will work under the table or even go as far to not work at all just to get out of paying. Okay, but what about the things that money can't buy? If their not going to pay the money, can't they be there to teach, love, and support them in other ways?
That's exactly why I say...the good guys always finish last when it comes to this issue!